Jane's Posts

Sep 15 2004 12:04 am

It's me again. I understand what your saying but the thing is I'm currently a stay at home mom (raising 2 step children with new hubby) and I'm not planning on going back to work for atleast another 2 years (in school now for degree). My concern is that if he thinks he can break one rule in the divorce papers why won't he think he can break another. Our son doesn't get to see his dad that often and I want my ex to spend time with him. Our son needs his dad, parenting time to me is: the parent(s) spend time with their chid, not just the stepmom while dads at work. My ex seems more concerned with his job than his son and I do have it in my divorce papers that my ex will have him on only days that he doesn't work. It just crushes me to my sons dad make his work a priority rather than his son.

See, here's the thing: your ex is right. The papers really are guidelines. He can break the rules. It is fine to leave his child with his wife. You're not in control.

I didn't understand what you were afraid of or why you felt you needed to be in control in the first post. Now I get the feeling that you feel it all slipping away.

I totally and completely understand your frustration with your ex leaving your child with his mate. It's absolutely crazy-making. The kid does not need another mother; he needs a father. IMO that's the single most annoying thing that exhusbands do.

That said, you're going to have to change your tack. If you want him to spend more time with his son, you've got to work *with* him. You don't want to go into court with that piece of paper and say, "See, it says right here that he only has child when he's not working," only to have the judge say, "Oh, yeah, that's not going to work" and take that provision out.

That could happen, too. Things have changed since he took the job. He's older. He has a different job. He's married. He's probably planning another kid. What fit for him back then doesn't fit for him now, and what fits for him counts to some extent, because everyone wants to facilitate him having a relationship with his kid. [Many people will snort in derision here, but it's true.]

So what could work? If he's taking 24s on the weekend, he's getting days off during the week. Would you be willing to let your ex have SS any ten days a month that he is not working or just getting off work?

jane