Saturday, April 24, 2004
Staying out of the middle between your kid and your ex
Apr 24 2004 10:50 am
I just wrote an extremely long reply to this. It was too hurtful and painful to post. All the time he's lost by removing himself from their lives, I could not care less about. What I do care about is how hurt they are by his allowing his wife to come between him and his children.
It pains me to know that my daughter is upstairs crying right now because while talking with her about something totally unrelated, something triggered a memory of the time her dad hit her in anger. All because while we were still BNing, he wasn't able to be with MH and that's where he wanted to be.
Regardless of whether my ex left me or not, my children would have been far better off if he'd have gotten involved with someone who at the very least can *tolerate* children, if not like them. His wife actively worked to alienate father and daughter. She succeeded quite nicely. And DD is the one paying a HUGE price for that. She *needs* her father now more than ever, but he's just not there for her anymore.
Cal~
You know, though, Cal. I've had this out with one of my SS's from the other side. IIRC I told him that even if it were true that his father was my puppet, his problem would still be that his father was a puppet, not that I didn't like SS.
Stuff like this comes up with Lee from time to time, like her father insisting they go to visit SM's family while Lee is with him. No matter what SM is lobbying for, I still it as an issue that Lee has to resolve with her father. And over the years they have.
What is SM's or even my ex's fault does not cause me to lose sleep no matter how much it hurts my kid. The biggest problem for me is always the knowledge that I chose this imperfect man/total idiot (depending on the severity of the transgression) as the father of my child. If she turned her anger on me, and said "this is YOUR fault. YOU got me into this. YOU made him my father" I wouldn't have a good comeback. I'd drag out the standard no one gets a perfect life and no one has perfect parents lines, but that wouldn't contradict her.
jane
