Friday, February 20, 2004
Don't butt into their relationship
Feb 20 2004 11:59 am
I hate being in the middle of two people that affect my life so dramatically; however, who seem to be completely unmotivated to have any type of personal relationship with one another. I don't want to have to choose between them. It's not fair to me
Now, I'm confused. I was formulating my response to the "my family doesn't accept my stepkids" issue, and now we seem to have shifted to the "dissent among family members" issue.
On the latter...your daughter and your father are grownups. You don't have to get involved in this. Let them work it out. Don't butt into their relationship. Don't feel that you have to take sides. Going to your father's birthday party if he's not inviting your daughter is not betraying her. If I ever hit 70, I'm going to invite whomever I'm in the mood to party with regardless of their relation to anyone else.
Regarding stepkids as grandkids, I don't see what everyone is getting upset about. You married their mother. Your father didn't make that choice. He didn't just love them so much he had to make them part of his family. You don't have to take this as denigrating your parenting efforts or your relationship choices. You don't have to consider it a slap in your face or your daughter's.
jane
Feb 20 2004 2:17 pm
But on the other hand, this man (the OP) is looking for his father to accept *his* family the same way he accepts his sister's family.
Right. That's what he has to let go of. They do or they don't; he can't make them.
He wants to see that his wife isn't hurt, he wants to maintain this kind of fragile balance of relationships that now exists without alienating anyone in the process. I can understand wanting all this. Maybe there are ways to keep this kind of balance without taking sides.
Wanting it I can see. Assuming the responsibility for it is just nuts. OP is my age, our age. He's got to know that relationships hurt. He cannot prevent his wife or his father or his daughter from being hurt in their relationships. It's uncomfortable to see conflict between people you love. But you have to work it out in your relationships and they have to work it out in theirs.
jane
