Jane's Posts

Jan 04 2004 12:55 pm

Now my SO is balking at the extra outlay of cash for her spending money because his kids are jealous and he does not think that it is fair that she gets to go and his kids do not. Any time my BD shows any excitement about the trip SO says that she is "rubbing it in" and reminds her that this is costing us extra cash and will be a burden.

Allocate the same amount of money for a treat for his kid. If you can afford it for your kid, you can afford it for his.

jane

Jan 04 2004 8:51 pm

And what does that teach the kids about opportunities? How long do you go along trying to even life out for them? It's impossible to do, IMO, and I can't see the good that would come out of it.
Tracey

Regardless of life lessons for the kids, this is a marital issue. If you're sharing money as this couple is, you have to agree on expenditures.

Now maybe you think an exceptional opportunity like this for your kid is more worth the money. Bigger boom for the buck, since the relatives are picking up most of the tab. He OTOH has a kid who not only doesn't get a couple of hundred bucks spent on him, but he also doesn't have generous relatives offering a vacation. So to him, his kid needs the layout more.

It doesn't matter who's right and who's wrong, if anyone is. It matters whether you're both feeling yourselves and your kids are being treated fairly.

jane

Jan 04 2004 9:13 pm

This is, IMO, a great teaching opportunity. A time to start teaching his kids that life doesn't always even out, that other people have opportunities that we might never, ever have

The thing is, Tracey, this is generally a lesson that we don't enjoy watching someone else teach our kids. Moreover, many of us tend to see these great teaching opportunities more easily when they involve other people's children.

There's no point fighting about this. DH is unhappy. He feels that he and his kid are being slighted. There's no really good argument that SS is not missing out, or that it's necessary that he miss out. If you told me that this was a great opportunity for my kid to learn to suck it up, I'd tell you that I had that covered thank-you very much, and that maybe this was a perfect opportunity to teach your kid that charming lesson by not sending her on the trip at all. Polarization, recrimination, and noting of every cent spent on anyone would ensue. Then we'd agree to set aside money for my kid to have a nice treat, too. I'm just saying, why not skip the fighting?

jane