Jane's Posts

Sep 01 1998 12:00 am

Vicki: However, I need to take issue with Posey's #3 up there; biomom is still, and always will be, the mother of DH's son, the in-laws' grandson. My ex- is still part of my mother's family, because he is the father of two of her grandkids. He is welcome in her home and there are still pictures of him on her walls, with my blessing. To try to erase him from *her* life is not my right, and certainly would put my kids in a difficult position.

Lil: Very good point, Vicki...although I must admit that I'm still trying to accept the new portrait of the ex's family that sits on my in-laws' mantal (sp?) with the rest of the family pictures. I tell myself that they have every right to have it there, but it doesn't make it too much easier to look at!

I have dozens of pictures of friends and relatives on my walls. Last week a friend asked me whether my husband minded the pictures of my ex. I was amazed. It had never crossed my mind that he would care. When I looked around, I realized that there are actually MORE pictures of my ex. Some of them are "happy family" shots taken many years ago.

My theory is that if my daughter sees her dad's face every day, then she will feel that he is part of her life. Between visits and phone calls, the pictures keep her dad a constant presence in her life.

DH doesn't mind this at all. I believe this is because our photograph collection spans decades. There is no sense that we are stuck at any one point in time. Also, we have photos of my ex and his SO with my daughter. Maybe the old family portrait of DH, BM, and SS won't bother you so much when you give the ILs one of your new family portraits.

jane