Jane's Posts

Sep 04 1998 12:00 am

I was looking for something in my stepson's room this morning and found paper he had rolled into the shape of cigerattes and burning, cigerattes that I think he took while my husband's friends were visiting, and a roach (unfortunately, not a bug).

This is a 12 year old boy who, in my opinion, has not had the easiest of lives. He lived with my husband's parents until he was 7 when he moved in with us. His bio-mom had been in and out of his life (more out than in) until last Spring when she actually started visiting on a regular basis and has even managed to stay in his life.

I know the mother smokes pot. His dad had, but hasn't since before the kid moved in with us.

So, my question is this -- how do you handle this situation? I know some folks figure pot is no big deal, but I consider it a big deal when he's only 12.

Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Did you talk to him about it yet?

IME most kids lie. Sometimes, the threat a of drug test encourages them to reevaluate their position. It's a tough call, tho, because in your case it sounds like SS may actually not be smoking pot. It sounds to me as though he has seen pot at mom's or elsewhere and is experimenting with rolling, etc. He could easily have just picked up the roach from an ashtray at mom's. I think he is trying to figure this thing out. In any event, I couldn't tell unless I talked to him.

Mom is a key figure here. You really should discuss this with her. She deserves to know. You deserve to know her position, too. Even if she smokes herself, she probably would consider this a big deal. If my child were drinking alcohol, I would consider it a big deal. Besides, if he's stealing her pot, she needs to improve security. Do you think you, BM, BD and SS can all sit down to discuss the issue? If SS left his little stash where you could find it, there is a good chance he wants to talk about it. Working in cooperation is best, if it is possible. I would not threaten/alienate her at this point.

I'm not a big "pot is the first step to heroin" person, and I don't believe that people who deal heroin, crack, or crank usually bother selling pot at the same time. Still, it is illegal, and you don't want your kids to get into the habit of breaking the law at age 12. I generally explain to the kids that there are many choices that adults make that teens do not. When they are a little more mature, they can make the decision for themselves.

For me, pot is pretty much in the same category as beer, except that it is illegal. So I have a hard time explaining why they shouldn't do it when they are grown. I don't believe it is particularly bad for your health. Also, I never particularly liked smoking pot, so it doesn't seem threatening to me. I still don't understand why alcohol is legal and pot is not. I have several friends who have been smoking pot for over 20 years. Their main problems seem to be drug testing for jobs and explaining it to their teens.

I hope someone else can be of more help.

jane