Jane's Posts

Aug 24 1998

[snip prior posts]

Wow. Thanks, I needed that. I'm not at all sure how best to deal with this situation. Every time we talk with the boys' therapist, she gives us good ideas about setting boundaries (which BPDs have trouble with), but somehow our resolve often fades in the face of her agressive postures and anger.

Thanks for letting me vent here. It helps, and keeps some of the pressure off my husband (who *is* a saint).
SSM

Generally, I hate looking up the symptoms of a medical/mental health problem, because once I do, I am always sure I have it. Your posts made me curious, though. I hear about BPD frequently, but I never understood what it was.

The good news is: I definitely don't have it. (For once, I can't even think of anyone I know who has it).

The bad news is: It's sounds like hell. I found a story at http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Forum/1996/story.htm that just appalled me.

I had no idea that any of this existed. Since you have been dealing with BM for years, you probably already know the symptoms of BPD: a shaky sense of identity; sudden violent outbursts; over sensitivity to real or imagined rejection; brief, turbulent love affairs; frequent periods of intense depression; eating disorders, drug abuse, and other self-destructive tendencies; and an irrational fear of abandonment and an inability to be alone.

I guess that anything that relates to you guys having custody triggers all her problems with identity, rejection, andinability to be alone. Then, if she's forced to face the fact that she is not the custodial parent (e.g. by your address on the luggage tag), that triggers all the violent rage, depression, and self-destructive behavior. No wonder you're having a hard time dealing with her!

Frankly, SSM, I don't know what the hell you should do. I noticed a lot of people who are involved with BPD sufferers say they feel like they are "walking on eggshells" all the time. There seem to be email support groups out there for people in your situation, though. http://members.aol.com/BPDCentral/cyber_resource.html lists some. I also found these NGs: alt.psychology.personality; alt.support.personality; and sci.psychology.personality. Maybe other people who deal with this can tell you what does and doesn't work for them.

Good Luck.

jane

BTW, I found these web sites useful:

BPD Central http://members.aol.com/BPDCentral/index.html (this site is hawking a book but it has useful info about resources)
http://www.cmhcsys.com/guide/person.htm
http://www.medhelp.org
http://www.nami.org/helpline/borderline.htm
http://www.psycom.net/depression.central.borderline.html
http://www.toddlertime.com/article.htm (i really found this article interesting)