Jane's Posts

July 14 1998

I have to admit, I am horrified.

Okay...we just got home from our two week camping trip......snip I noticed one or two things that have me really, really upset. Last spring, we received his report card which stated that he "needs improvement" in math. This doesn't even begin to describe his problem with math!

From what I see, "needs improvement" is the grade elementary school teachers give to likable kids whose performance is abysmal.

We bought him a "camping workbook." It has a page of activities for each day of his summer vacation...English, math, social studies and simple science. We got to the first day of math and my stepson...who's just been promoted to grade three...had no idea how to tackle the questions. I mean not a single clue, and these were things like 3 + 4! So I got out his pencil crayons (which he had millions of) and showed him how to use them like counters. After I helped him with two questions, he was able to do the other 28 with no problem at all. Took me about ten minutes to show him how to do them.

Then we got to subtraction...still no clue. So we worked it out again, using the pencil crayons. Five minutes and he had those down.

This is good. He is capable of learning with one-on-one tutoring.

One day, my husband asks him what 3 + 1 was. Well, his counters weren't available and he was lost. He very obviously had no idea what that was or even how to count it out on his fingers! At the nearest possible opportunity, I sat him down and taught him how to do simple math on his fingers. You know, "Okay, c, count out three fingers and then count out one finger...now how many fingers are you holding up?" He seemed to figure it out okay, but then we got to 3 + 2. He counted out his middle three fingers and then his thumb and little finger. So I asked how many fingers he was holding out, as he sat there with his outstretched hands. He had to count them. I said, "C, don't you know how many fingers you have on your hand?" He didn't. He didn't know he had ten fingers; five on each hand. He has no idea how many toes he's supposed to have.

How does a kid get to third grade without knowing how many fingers he has???

Schools don't keep kids back anymore.

You might be okay with the math. The whole first third of third grade is review here. You really have to get a grip on this now, tho, because the next third is multiplication and division. If kids don't get that, they are really up a creek. Stay in close contact with SS's teacher.

Does BM have a computer? "Edutainment" software works for us. My kids like Math Blaster and Math For the Real World. MB has many different levels, and they have it at Costco.

One thing that could be just perfect for SS is a kiddy laptop. I believe I got a Think Pad. They can be a little pricey ($50 to $100?), and it probably requires a trip to ToysRUs to figure out which one is best. Some are upgradeable. Some have a whole slew of different subjects. OTOH, i think the ones with just basic skills are cheaper. Anyway, my daughter felt really important. It made her feel that school and learning were important, too. She brought it everywhere and never lost it (which, if you knew my daughter would impress you very much). Also, no one knew when she made mistakes; she learned to think it over and try again. She still uses it.

Actually, do you have thrift stores near you? It might be better if you got a used one. If you buy it new and BM doesn't keep tabs on it, you might want to kill her.

We really have some work ahead of us...and we really need to have a long, long talk with his third grade teacher when school starts again!!! Honestly, we're doing so well. We spent two weeks teaching him all about endangered and extinct animals, mountains, glaciers and hoodoos, nouns and verbs, addition and subtraction...how do you deal with a kid who doesn't even know how many fingers he's supposed to have? We've mastered the "Stuffed animals can sleep beside the bed, rather than in the bed" and "Perhaps Barney isn't the best show for an eight year old...let's see what else we can find that you've never watched before". We've got him playing with other children (something he's never done) and speaking out against things he think is wrong (at one campsite he chastised all the other children for chasing the bunnies!) and convinced him that it isn't necessary to cry for an hour after falling down, simply because he wants the attention. We're working on tying his shoes, too, but I really don't know how to deal with this. His mother is really disinterested in helping him grow and learn...she wants him to be a baby and she lets him watch Barney and Teletubbies and buys him shoes with velcro so he doesn't have to bother with laces. She *never* helps him with schoolwork or quizzes him on things he's learned.

SS is not the only second-grader who can't tie his shoes; velcro has a lot to answer for. Maybe SS is intellectually or emotionally stimulated by Barney. I can't imagine how, either, but then I could never watch the show for long enough to find out.

Unless and until you decide to try for greater physical custody, stay in daily contact with SS as much as you can. Casual conversation about school, people, the world around him, etc. will stimulate him intellectually. Get copies of the books he is using in school this year and follow along. Discuss with him the stories he reads in class. Let him know that you are taking the time and effort to stay in touch with his teacher. Even at long-distance, your interest in school will show him how important it is, and how important he is to you.

Another thing you can do is give him a certain amount of money per day if he reads for a half hour and writes three sentences about what he read. Keep it in a jar at your house. Even a quarter a day can add up. When he comes to visit, he has earned enough for major shopping. The potential for math instruction is limitless. The value of the reading skills are immeasurable.

He's really, really thrived with our help...you should hear him talk about all the things we learned this past two weeks. But we're obviously working out things that, although they're necessary and he's capable of understanding, are way beyond the simple tasks and facts and theories that he hasn't tackled yet! Man, if DH and I could only have custody of him for a year, he'd be a completely different child!

Kids seem to learn a lot more outside school than they do in. BM is not a "teacher." She will never be the type of person who incorporates teaching into every aspect of life. She will never explain fractions while baking cookies or rearranging pizza slices. She is his mother, tho.

So you will probably be the one who will do all the work. You have to find out what evaluation, enhancement, and intercession programs are available. You have to arrange for "pull-out" tutoring. You have to be the squeaky wheel. It sounds unfair, but it's not really. You are capable of this, and I don't think that either DH or BM are. In fact, from your posts, I get the impression that neither of them really even understands what you are talking about.

jane