Jane's Posts

June 23 1998

Okay...stepson has just arrived. He's here for a month and something suddenly changed over the last three weeks. My God, is he ever beligerant!!!

He'll be 9 in March...I think the testosterone is kicking in. He seemed fine this afternoon, although he wasn't quite so eager to do some of the things he was told. snip So here's my problem. We're leaving on vacation in exactly one week. I do *not* wish to have to punish him while we're on vacation...had to do that last year and it was *not* fun! DH is going to have a chat with him and let him know that his attitude is not acceptable...since it's a new thing, hopefully it won't be too hard to break. Unfortunately, my stepson is not always so good at listening to him...he takes instruction from me (as an objective third party, rather than a parent) much better.

Since I want to have this resolved as much as it's going to be before next Sunday, how long do I leave it to DH before stepping in? I'd like to be able to leave it longer, but we can't have my stepson upsetting everybody's vacation.

This is very hard for me because I know that one word from me will have him behaving like an angel, but DH really needs the opportunity to handle this. Thanks.
lil

You know what might help? Have a family meeting about the vacation several days before you go. Talk about what you all want, and make your expectations clear. You can all agree to be on your best behavior and to be as tolerant of each other as possible. I think vacations can be pretty stressful in general, and your family are all remembering the last one which was problematic. Maybe it will ease the tension to discuss it out in the open and to make a joint pact to make this vacation much more fun.

If this approach works, then you and DH will be acting in concert. You won't feel like you are stepping on his toes.

jane

June 25 1998

The funny thing is, it's not just the attitude; it's the language. His big thing this morning was "Oh my God!" Definitely new, but DH and I think that we can live with that one. It's a lot better than yesterday! We were watching The Wizard of Oz and Dorothy had just met the Tin Man. My stepson said, "Next is the Cowardly Lion...when the hell is that going to happen?" The problem is, my stepson has a speech impediment and we're never quite sure whether we heard what we thought we heard or not! My FIL has assured us that there's nothing we can do about the language...he simply told his sons that you didn't speak that way around ladies, which seems like good advice to me. Although I never use it around my stepson, I have a fairly blue vocabulary myself!

I never got very upset about cursing. I just tried to teach my daughter that different language was appropriate in different situations. She could swear in her room, but not at school, etc. We made a deal that each of us owed the other a nickel if a swear slipped out.

Anyway, one night I had a lecture I couldn't miss and a sitter I couldn't find, so I brought her to school with me. She was four. I made her promise to sit and color and be quiet. She did fine until the professor said "shit." She let out a huge gasp and said, "that's a nickel." I was mortified, but apparently the professor had children, too. He paused for a second, brought a nickel back to her seat, then went on with the lecture.

jane