Jane's Posts

May 14 1998

Thanks for all your very valued replies. This is actually the first time I have ever posted to a newsgroup, and I realise that perhaps I should have put more information in my first posting than I did.

One of the things that I didn't say was that both my partner and I are both in complete agreement that staying overnight with his son there would be wrong unless we had demonstrated some sort of serious commitment to each other.

Also, at every step so far in introducing me to his son, he has first checked with his ex that it's OK, so her feelings are very much being considered too. I will not be staying overnight until she also agrees. There's no BIG rush (I realise that in my first posting I said 'near future' - I mean months, and am prepared for longer. Sorry for the confusion!). We want to do it right, and we have other nights that we do spend together. If that takes many months, then so be it.

But back to my original question - how do you go about staying overnight? How do you prepare a young child of 3 for that? What can you say to them in terms that they understand?

Thanks again for all the replies,

I think I am missing chunks of this thread. Is the question how to introduce a new relationship to a three year old? Or was the crux of the original post that you want to be able to tell the three year old that premarital sex is bad?

Moral issues aside, in practical terms, the three year old will not remember as a teenager that you slept with dad before you were married.

For me I felt comfortable with the stay-over thing once I had reached some decree of certainty re the permanence of the relationship. I did not want my child to have to deal with multiple possible replacements to my mate. I also did not want her to become attached to them or see them as part of our family only to have them vanish when we adults decided to call it quits.

After that, once the person has become a regular character in the family's life, it makes sense for him/her to stay over. I never said anything about it. One morning he was there. My daughter asked why he was there in the morning. I answered that he had slept over. I did discuss it with her before he moved in. I never felt I had to explain that we were having sex until she asked me. That was way later than three.

jane