Jane's Posts

March 4 1998

Okay...I need help.

My husband's ex and I do not agree on child raising at all. I was surprised that my stepson was still wearing diapers at 3 years old, so you can imagine how mortified I was that he was still wearing them at 7!

Your letter pretty much horrified me. Why are you punishing a child for accidents? Bedwetting and even day time incontinence at 7 is not unusual. Don't you remember other kids having accidents in the 1st, 2nd, 3rd grade? If you ask around, I am sure you know people who wet their beds at least until puberty.

My guess is that enuresis is either rare in your family or considered a voluntary act of aggression. I say that because you seem to take it so personally that your ss does not have full control of his bladder. I am afraid that you make him feel ashamed of himself when he has an accident. Surely you can see how harmful it must be to a child to be made to feel "bad" about doing something over which he has no control. The additional stress it causes the child when you become angry about his condition can only make the situation worse.

I have three concrete suggestions:

1) Educate yourself about enuresis. I did a quick search and came up with the following sites: http://www.galstar.com/~aef/ http://www.cmhc.com/disorders/sx70.h I attached a couple of other urls. I really didn't have time to examine these sites very carefully, but they appear to be informative publications by reputable medical sources.

2) If you truly feel this is a problem for the child, bring him to a genitourinary specialist. There is very likely an enuresis clinic at a pediatric facility near you.

3) In your own mind try to equate his enuresis with sneezing. If you think of it as unpleasant, involuntary and unavoidable, it will be easier for you to distance yourself from the problem. You may even find it is not a problem at all.

Best of luck.

jane